The start of restarting my journey

It started a few years ago when I gave up meat and dieting for good. For 27 years I had been on one diet after another. Started with Weight Watchers, then onto laxatives, cabbage juice cleanses, starvation, grapefruit, Jenny Craig, tapping, emotional eating courses….Those are JUST a few. I was burnt out. I couldn’t diet anymore at the age of 39 and my weight was rapidly increasing. I couldn’t believe just how many pairs of pants my dryer shrunk – well, joke was on me.

I was and still am a self- help junkie and have no qualms about it, but the one thing I couldn’t master was being content in my own skin. I was 50 pounds lighter and still felt FAT. I hate that word but at the same time, was very comforting. If I knew and said I was fat, no one else saying it could bother me. I would OWN it and make it mine.

Lo and behold, I felt extremely unattractive and besides that, and my clothes not fitting right, my back when out of whack. At my fun size of five foot in a half, my spine couldn’t support that much weight, so it was time.

I reached out to a friend in Italy who runs a balanced meal plan and she offered to help me for a testimonial. How could I resist? I was living the dream, but currently doing so from a family member’s house, so it was a blessing!

So I get the email – the 3 day detox. I felt a bit of fear creep up as I read those words since I was all too familiar with detoxing. My whole life was one round of detoxing after another. But I said, let’s do it, what do I have to lose? NO PUN INTENDED!

I grocery shop. Get mentally ready for these 3 days. And I’m in the kitchen chopping and preparing thinking this isn’t so bad. Well first night in and I’m screaming for a donut. I wasn’t hungry but was not satisfied AT ALL. I continued to drink water and kept telling myself, 2 more days and you’re done.

Next day, I feel a little lighter and think, man, maybe I could do this! So I master Day 2 and dream about the last 24 hours of this detox.

So, here I am, writing you now on the final few hours of my detox and it’s done. I did it. You come to find that you can do almost anything for 3 days…almost! I wrote my friend and said NOW WHAT? Like most diets, you lose it, but how do you keep losing, and maintain this?

I thought about the ideal meal plan in my head when I started….A pastry with coffee for breakfast sounds delicious, pizza with some cookies for lunch, and a nice bowl of gnocchi for dinner accompanied by a cannoli for dinner. I woke up from that high fat meal dream and thought about the 0 nutritional value the whole day had. I was eating purely out of emotion and not nourishing myself.

Now I’m a firm believer of self-care and self-love, and what I was doing to my body was anything but loving. I shifted gears and thought about this detox as a gift to myself.

Ya know, I don’t share this often but I used to be a ‘smoker’ I put it in quotes because I didn’t really think I was a smoker. I would ONLY smoke when I woke up, with my coffee, after I ate and before bed. Hardly a habit,right? Well at around 35 years old, I said “Do I want to be a smoker?” I had smoked on and off since about 20 and it wasn’t serving me. So, I quit cold turkey. I think I had 1 cig after that, well half, threw it out and never touched it since.

What made weight different? When I put my mind to something, I did it, no questions asked. I’ll tell you what…I’m transitioning life purpose. I am no longer in corporate america. The structure of my life has changed. I’m divorced. And starting over when ALL of my family and friends are settled. Food was comfort, it was joy, it was something TO DO and it gave me great pleasure.

SO now what? The one familiar thing in my life needed to be changed. Will I ever hate sugar and renounce canolis? NO. But, I have to learn it’s place. Living off carbs and sugar alone aren’t going to help me or my back. It’s not going to support my lifestyle or give me anything but a moment of satisfaction which is quickly forgotten when getting dressed.

I’m focusing on how I want to feel, how I want to look, my health, my poor back and giving myself what I really want and need – LOVE!

Until next time on the blog, love the skin you’re in
P.S. If you need inspiration, facing issues with old habits and want to follow my journey, sign up for updates here

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